Waiting, Anxiously

I really hate being stressed. I hate it so much I sometimes stress about being stressed. More often than not, my stressing about stress is more stressful than the stress itself. And yet I still do it.

Very logical.

Nobody's going to make it through life unscathed by stress, but we're all going to be affected differently. After all, "stress" means every kind of tension or strain. The kind of strain that plagues me is "anxiety"--i.e. worrying about an "imminent even" that has an "uncertain outcome".

Sitting down for a job interview or standing up in front of an audience? It's over in a blur of activity and a burst of excited nerves. I'm in the moment and the moment passes. I barely have time to think, let alone stress.

Waiting in the weeks hours, minutes, moments before that point of no return? My thoughts chase each other in circles over every possible scenario. They build and crash in waves of white noise that soak my whole day through.

I know it's worse than useless to worry--but try telling that to my pump-happy heartbeat or the acid jumping in my stomach. As soon as life throws a sharp turn at me I go into fight-or-flight mode. But what am I fighting?

Control. Or, rather, the lack thereof.

When there's an upcoming challenge, or a situation springs itself on me, it's too early for a solution or resolution. But my instinct is to turn the issue over and over as if I can obsess an outcome into existence.

I hate waiting because I want to know, to progress, to accomplish--to rush ahead to the moment when I can look back and say "now see how that turned out for the better?".

Anxiety is stressful because it strikes when things are messy and not under control. If I'm to cope with my anxiety (I didn't say "conquer" or "cave in") I need to take control of what I can and release control of what I can't . . . .

Taking Control

Turn those Thoughts into Words

Sometimes my anxieties build up over time--like pressure in the back of my mind. Other times they're right in the front of my focus, chasing each other in a downward-stress-spiral. No matter how anxieties gunk up my mind, getting them out into the "real" world helps clean me out. Try talking to someone you trust to give you empathy and advice. Or try writing down your thoughts and feelings via a journal, a text message, or a scrap of paper that you tear to shreds.

Make Lists

This helps me so much whenever I worry how to fit all my responsibilities into my week. Take a task or a project and break it into mini-tasks. Then you can spread those steps across your day or week or month (essays are so much less daunting when I write them one page or paragraph at a time). Anxiety goes down when you put a little organization and balance into your life. Plus each mini-goal feels like an accomplishment because you defined it as a goal.

Releasing Control

Replace Thoughts

Just like you can create physical stress by overworking a single muscle, you can worsen mental stress by overthinking a single issue. If I've processed the challenge and I'm taking steps to overcome it, then it doesn't deserve any more of my energy. Coping can easily become obsessing. Trying to silence stress only makes it worse. Instead, choose to keep going with your day; this will give your thoughts other things to talk about. My normal routine always feels daunting or off during a wave of stress, but going through the motions of healthy habits can actually stabilize you.

Feel, Don't Fight

It's ok to acknowledge that you're not ok. Anxiety is a natural emotional response to uncomfortable situations. Emotions aren't always logical, but we can't turn them off or pretend they don't affect us. Anxiety can overcharge or deplete our normal energy levels. Instead of lecturing yourself on how you "should" be feeling, go with the flow. Work out or take a nap. Tackle a project or just relax. Surround yourself with people or take some alone time. It's easy to feel guilty for pampering myself, but it's much harder to push through a day if I ignore my needs. Uncertain times and unhappy moods are temporary. While you wait for them to change, prioritize the things that help you take a deep breath.

I've learned countless times I can't control stress. My next step is learning not to let stress control me.

Articulate my anxiety, take what action I can, and then affirm that the rest will work itself out. Once the waiting's over and my anxiety is relieved, I always find myself wondering why I was so stressed out in the first place. But we shouldn't shame ourselves for feeling stress. It's our bodies' way of telling us things are challenging right now. Plan and prepare, and then have patience. It will pass. Wait it out, but don't wait to keep living through every step of every uncertainty and resolution.